The Desecration of a Life
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: Santana wants to piece her together again. Quinn needs her to mend her heart.


**Title:** The Desecration of a Life

**Characters/Pairings:** Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez; implied: Quinntana and past mentions of Brittana and Faberry

**Word Count:** 1,863

**Spoilers:** Up to 4x14 "I Do"

**Summary: **Santana wants to piece her together again. Quinn needs her to mend her heart.

**A/N: **Wrote this for J.R. Boone. Hope he likes it.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it. Never did.

* * *

**The Desecration of a Life**

"True love happens once in a lifetime, twice if you're lucky," she said, the half-empty bottle in her hand already halfway to her lips. "It's dirty and gritty, wild and passionate, uncontrolled and lustful. It's…it's everything I'm not and yet everything I see when I look at you."

Santana stares at her for a moment, trying to think of something to say. This is her best friend waxing poetic about love in a bitter voice that cracks in the middle and all she wants to do is wrap her up in her arms and tell her that the world can fuck off because she is the epitome of everything Santana wants to be. Yet, she does not. They both ignore their first instinctive response whenever the other is involved and her answer shows that this time is no different.

"You falling for me Q?"

The blonde laughs and shakes her head, pointing to the starry sky above them.

"No, I'm not falling for you. I wish I could. You're smart and talented and so, so beautiful but you're not her and I'm not her and we can't fall for each other because we've already found our once in a lifetime loves."

"That doesn't mean you don't want me."

"Weren't you listening?" Quinn breathes, her hands creeping under Santana's top, grazing the outline of her abs. She shivers at the contact, the cold of the girl's hands a contrast to the warmth of her own skin. "I can't fall for you but that doesn't mean I don't want you"

Soft. That is the first sensation that reaches her mind when Quinn kisses her and she cannot help but to compare them to Brittany's. Brittany who could make her forget everything with just the barest touch on her skin; Brittany who makes her blood run hotter with whispered words too arousing to ignore; Brittany who has moved on with a boy who once professed love to the girl above her.

"You're not Rachel."

"And you're not Brittany," she says, already pulling her in for another kiss even as she continues. "You're Quinn and I'm Santana and that's all we'll ever need."

Deeper, hotter, more. That is all that runs through her mind as she explores the space of Quinn's mouth. She does not just want the girl, she needs her in a way that she knows she should not, in a way that betrays everything she has ever promised Brittany, but she cannot help it, cannot help herself.

They are total opposites meeting in a shadowy place that they cannot define. Ice meets fire as her skin sears from just the small area of contact provided by Quinn's hand. What should snuff out her arousal fuels it and brings her closer to insanity as she pulls the girl in, wanting, needing, taking everything she's willing to give her.

She tastes of despair, of giving up before she even tries and Santana suddenly wants to kill Finn and Brody just so that the girl on top of her can get a chance at the happiness that eludes her so often. She wants to bring back a smile she has all but forgotten, life that she misses seeing in the girl's eyes.

"San," Quinn murmurs as she pulls back. "I can't. Not…not here."

She nods and pushes her off so that she can stand, pulling her along as they make their way back to Quinn's apartment. New Haven is quiet as they walk, the night's cold calm a strange juxtaposition against the fire storm inside of her.

Quinn's hand brushes against hers and she grabs it, bringing it up to her lips before entwining their fingers. She does not know why she does it or why it seems so intimate but she lets it go anyway, not wanting to think about why it feels the way it does.

When they get to the complex that houses her apartment Quinn pushes her against the door and kisses her again, as hard and deep and desperate as before. She kisses back, not knowing what else to do without hurting her but that.

Quinn's mouth tastes like whiskey and cigarettes, something she never thought would be appealing until now. She cannot get enough and she does not stop, desperate to know what makes the girl against her so special when the only other person who could ever make her feel anything other than rage has always been Brittany.

"Inside," Quinn whispers when she finally pulls away to breathe. "Just…go inside."

They do not stop kissing after that, finding a temporary solace in each other's mouths. It is not gentle and it is not pretty but Santana does not care. All she wants is to feel more of the relief that Quinn somehow brings.

Her back hits another door and suddenly those hands are under her shirt again, exploring, pulling, squeezing and it is all she can do to keep from suffocating. She can no longer comprehend what it is going on, the only sensation left in her this burning desire that she needs to satisfy before it incinerates her.

They stumble inside, still attached to each other and her hands grasp at Quinn's ass even as Quinn tugs her tee-shirt and sports bra up and over her head, forcing the girl to wrap her legs around her waist. She cannot get enough of her and pulls her in as much as she can.

"No."

"No?"

Quinn shakes her head and pulls away just enough to take off her own shirt and bra before attacking Santana's neck, biting, licking, sucking hard and harsh. She stumbles as she walks backward, muscles twitching as their skin meets, gasping as Quinn's nipples brushes against hers.

"Bed," Quinn murmurs, nuzzling into the space she was just licking and sending something through Santana that she cannot name. "Please…just…bed."

Santana nods, understanding immediately what she wants. Carefully, she backs into Quinn's bedroom, their kisses gentler and less needy now. There are tears falling from Quinn's eyes and as they fall into the sheets together she turns on her side to face her and wipe them away.

"We can't do this," she whispers. "Not again, anyway. It wouldn't be fair to you."

Quinn shakes her head. "It doesn't matter what's fair or not. I want this."

"Then why are you crying?"

"Am I?"

"Yeah, you kind of are."

Quinn laughs then, a soft, brittle sound that breaks Santana's heart. She has watched this girl fall apart so many times, even been a part of the forces that broke her at times, and yet she has always held it together so well.

"Rachel would kill me if she saw you now."

"Rachel isn't here. She's in Lima with a beautiful baby boy and she wouldn't want me anyway."

Santana raises an eyebrow.

"She wouldn't. I'm the girl who tormented her and kept her from Finn because I got into a car crash. I just want her to be happy and she is."

"That's bullshit, Q, and you know it. The hobbit is as happy as you were when you were under Russell's control. Besides, who wouldn't want you?"

Quinn does not answer, instead leaning closer to steal another kiss, and she cannot help but think of the way it tastes like despair this time, like giving up and a loss of hope.

"Let me…let me make you whole again."

She does not know where the words come from, only that she means them. Brittany broke her heart when she moved on with Sam but she had been the one to end the relationship and she knows that they will still love each other no matter what. Their timing was just wrong.

Quinn, however, has never even had that chance. She has watched this girl chase the midget for years and yet never actually make a move because fear has always paralysed her. She has watched Quinn break again and again at Rachel's hand and, even if the girl has never known what she has done, Santana feels this need to protect her now and try to piece her together again.

"Okay."

"Show me," she breathes. "Show me what you want."

Quinn takes her hand and guides it down her body until it hovers just above her abs. Santana swallows hard and pushes past her open jeans and underwear until she feels coarse hair and soft folds.

Quinn then takes her other hand and places at it at her throat, prompting her to squeeze, eyes closed and the tears coming faster and harder than before. It scares Santana a little, exactly what Quinn wants her to do and she hesitates, not really sure if she should.

"I don't…I'm not…"

"Please…just…"

"Alright."

Slowly, the hand at her mound starts to move, first rubbing slow, wide circles at her clit before tightening and speeding up, while she slowly starts to squeeze. When her fingers slip lower and inside of Quinn, she adds more pressure to the hand at her throat, thrusting fast and hard while she starts to cut off the girl's air supply.

She stops just long enough to straddle her waist before continuing, her eyes never leaving Quinn's, measuring the girl for any signs of danger. Instead, she finds pleasure and surrender, an almost complete release of control that leaves her at Santana's mercy. It turns her on and she starts to rock against the girl, trying to find that friction she so desperately needs for even just temporary relief.

Quinn's hand sneaks into her underwear and soon her fingers are inside of Santana, moving in time with the rhythm she herself set up. Soon enough she finds herself grinding into Quinn's hand while she brings the girl closer and closer to the edge.

Leaning down, she has just enough sense of self to whisper, "Come," into her ear before she gives in, her orgasm exploding through her body as the storm comes to a head inside. It is hot and intense and something that simultaneously shatters her and puts her together again.

She comes down just in time to see Quinn come, her back arching as she gasps for breath and tightens against Santana's fingers. Her eyes glaze over and her body tenses as it bends, and Santana thinks this is Quinn at her most beautiful and her most honest.

When the girl comes down she releases her throat and pulls her fingers out of her before rolling off ad onto the bed next to her. Quinn rolls into her side, panting and wheezing as she struggles to get her breath back and Santana cannot help herself. She pulls the girl onto her body and hugs her close, helping her to get rid of the rest of their clothes so that there is nothing between them.

Looking at her, she sees a glimpse of the happiness that Quinn always tries so hard to find.

It is not their first time like this and it will certainly not be their last. It starts with taste but ends with sight and Santana cannot help but think that this is how Quinn Fabray should be, how she always wants her to be.


End file.
